orthodoxgladness:

Learn such faith in God to breathe Him like air.  – St. John of Kronstadt

How close do I want God? There was a time when I would have told you I wanted Him so very close. Yet everything in me repelled Him. Kept Him far enough away that I would never have to conform. To change. I loved God as I loved a favorite painting. I was happy to gaze at Him. But I was also happy to turn my attention elsewhere.

Now, when I so deperately want Him, He is hidden. When my gaze finally returned to the One who loves me with true Love. With selfless affection. He has stepped back in the shadows.

To show me. To prove to me. That He is my life. That I have been dead all along.